Ick Ick Ick

Honestly, January has been pure hell for me.  I have been sick with some ailement or other for over a month now.  Personally, I am tired of this sickness.  I want completely out of the lupus disease!  Who wants a wacky immune system?  God please help me, I am so sick.  All I want to do is live a normal life.  Come on body get with it!  I want so badly to hide from the world but I know that is not healthy.

The cold & lupus

Unfortunatly I live in the midwest. There is snow outside, cold bites past our coats and goes straight to the bone like rabid wolves.  We do have all four seasons here but there is a price to pay such as shoveling snow or raking leaves. I'm not a fan of being cooped up indoors so I have enjoyed an outdoor sport or two. 

However lupus changed me from an outdoor enthusist to an inside junkie.  The cold causes me to have absolutly no feeling in my hands and feet.  Honestly, I feel like the walking numb.  So I am resolved to my couch and the same boring reruns that they show on tv over and over again.  I read books and occasionally crochet but mostly I sleep.  So I am going to crochet hats, scarves, and sweaters for kids who do not have them.  It may take me a long time but at least I am trying to give back to the world.

One optomistic thought is that if it weren't for lupus and the cold I wouldn't be making hats for unfortunate kids. God bless!

Shocking!!!

Some days I look normal like the pretty girl on the picture.  My hair is clean and my eyes are alert.  I have that natural brown skinned glow.  When I walk there is that extra bounce in my step and twitch in my hips of confidence.  On those days as a person with lupus I try to make sure that I do everything I can because tommarow I may be in a bad state. You know the kind of state where you can barely move due to excrutiating bone pain.  The hot and cold sweats that wake me up in the middle of the night.  Followed by dizziness that accompainies me as I am on my way to the bathroom.  Not to forget the tremors in my hand that barely allow me to open up my pill bottles.

However, the good days sometimes make up for the bad.  Yet there are some people that feel I don't deserve to have good and bad days.  For example, one day last summer I drove up to get some gas.  I went inside the dusty Sunoco station to pay for my gas.  The gas station attentdant said, "You need to quit." I said, "Excuse me."  He said, "You are not handicap."  My handicap sticker was on my dashboard. I remembered being resistant against getting a handicap sticker.  Finally I got tired of sitting in my car for hours waiting for the strength to make it inside a store so I caved into the handicap sticker.
  I felt like reaching over the counter and giving him an elbow to the throat but the Lord has delivered me so I suppressed my anger.  I replied, " I have lupus."  He said, " What is that"?  I didn't bother to answer but I promised myself if that ever happened again I would. Ignorance causes judgement.  Judge not lest you be judged, that's in the bible somewhere if you are judgemental you might want to look it up.