Some days I look normal like the pretty girl on the picture. My hair is clean and my eyes are alert. I have that natural brown skinned glow. When I walk there is that extra bounce in my step and twitch in my hips of confidence. On those days as a person with lupus I try to make sure that I do everything I can because tommarow I may be in a bad state. You know the kind of state where you can barely move due to excrutiating bone pain. The hot and cold sweats that wake me up in the middle of the night. Followed by dizziness that accompainies me as I am on my way to the bathroom. Not to forget the tremors in my hand that barely allow me to open up my pill bottles.
However, the good days sometimes make up for the bad. Yet there are some people that feel I don't deserve to have good and bad days. For example, one day last summer I drove up to get some gas. I went inside the dusty Sunoco station to pay for my gas. The gas station attentdant said, "You need to quit." I said, "Excuse me." He said, "You are not handicap." My handicap sticker was on my dashboard. I remembered being resistant against getting a handicap sticker. Finally I got tired of sitting in my car for hours waiting for the strength to make it inside a store so I caved into the handicap sticker.
I felt like reaching over the counter and giving him an elbow to the throat but the Lord has delivered me so I suppressed my anger. I replied, " I have lupus." He said, " What is that"? I didn't bother to answer but I promised myself if that ever happened again I would. Ignorance causes judgement. Judge not lest you be judged, that's in the bible somewhere if you are judgemental you might want to look it up.
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